I'm gonna have a badass scar
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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