1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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