I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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