He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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