My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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