If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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