i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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