I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
