I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
