If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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