It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
