apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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