My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have fence marks all over my body
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
