Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
what day is it and did you see me today?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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