i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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