masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
