He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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