Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
