Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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