Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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