She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
