I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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