Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
