Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
