I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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