Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
