If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
