it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
