I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
