stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
