whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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