my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
