just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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