I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
