I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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