its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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