i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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