I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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