i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He shit in the fireplace
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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