Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
