Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this hospital has no fireball
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
