also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
