I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
