You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
