If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
