my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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