are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i've created a new STD.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
