mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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