One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
