I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
