just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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