My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
