i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
