I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
