Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize