I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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