im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A+ Viking dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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