Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
