Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
