I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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