he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're like the curious george of whores
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
