Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
